more than friends but not lovers

why do i love going back to this confusing situation? why do i like treading the fine line between friendship and love? it's been ten years, we've been on and off with relationships, and still nothing happened between us... why can't i just let go and move on?

i remember back in college, when he told M he thinks he's falling in love with me. i just pretended not to know anything and slowly distanced myself a bit. at that time, i just dont like him enough. silly me. some months after that, he told us that he and one of his close friends are officially together. i dont know if they noticed, but that was a real shock to me. what?!? you just said you're falling in love with me... oh well, months have passed anyway. i guess he moved on. suddenly he was away. apparently, our friendship and his new relationship cannot co-exist. i was mad at him for not fighting for our friendship. sadly, our friendship was not as special as i thought it was. i moved on... or so i thought.

he became so distant that our friendship seem to have faded to mere acquaintance level. he eventually broke up with his girl, met new friends, became active in his org, had new love interests and aced his acads. we would see each other occasionnaly (oftentimes just incidentally), but it was never the same. he has his new world where i no longer exist. i always felt that he has his new life where i do not belong. i, on the other hand, fell in love with our other close guy friend. but i guess it's just that stage in friendship where you have to realize that it's platonic love, you're just friends and nothing more, laugh about it and become really good friends. i had my own org where i became busy, i met new friends and had a life where he did not belong as well. i moved on... or so i thought.

to be continued...